Daily Scrub

Goodbye.

2008-10-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been strange ones and I have been behaving strangely within them. (I was called “saptastic” yesterday.) I suppose, it’s not just me though and I’m certain of it. Of late I’ve become increasingly aware of who people are, despite attempts to embrace their better nature, and that’s not to say that it’s all been to bad results. I sat in a room today and told three people that I caught a great break – and got three utterly different responses. Two celebrated my success, setting aside their own disappointments, and one was so consumed in her own dissatisfaction that she had not been awarded the same that she forgot that we had also earned this success.

It’s been a long time since I started blogging. In fact, looking at the records – I’ve been going since 2002. Four year later, I may be in the same city, but I’m certainly not in the same place. My life has changed in a tremendous manner but, to be honest, I’ve felt closer to my roots than ever in the last few months. I won’t say that I will ever blog like this again. Age, time and trial and error have taught me that talking through my problems isn’t awlways the best medicine and that, in most cases, the less ink that contacts paper, the better for the healing process. I won’t say that because this is a goodbye more than a beginning. It’s a goodby to all of the trials recorded here.

Were I to continue, however, the characters might remain remarkably familiar. For my newfound clarity, I have noticed, I guess, how many people in my life of whom almost all of y memories are positive. People who I wholeheartedly believe are good, through and through. Call it Karmic Repayment of luck but it just happens that many of these characters who left so long ago are returning to this city that I live in and, while I may never reach out to them as expected, I find the mere fact that there are a few more good people in my corner of the world comforting. It’s not just that they’re returning that gives me pause, it’s that they’re returning for all of the right reasons – because they’re happy. They’re finding new jobs, opening stores they’ve always dreamed of and sometimes just moving home to be near friends. I know I’m a softy at heart but knowing that good people are out there and good things are happening to tem gives me an irrationally tremendous sense of peache that I wish I could pass on to the rest of you.

So, it’s been a better goodby than some I’ve endured. I don’t know if it passes as convincing or profound, but it is what it is.

Enjoy your education.

The store looks gorgeous.

Good luck in your interview.

And, Tony, you still suck :P

Irish and Proud

2007-12-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

MSNBC

Quandries and Pickles

2007-12-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

Does it strike anyone else as terribly ironic that a President Bush is knocking a guy who, while defeated, still has an approval rating twice that of the Bush administration?

Jimmy Carter Is A Mythical Being From The WB

2007-10-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

[MSNBC: Jimmy Carter is an Elder]

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Kay, that brief stint you did, watching every episode of Charmed in a month for its craptacular TV value probably had a negative impact on your psyche" and, really you might not be wrong...but if you knew I once had a dream with Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy and Jake Gylenhall among its list of guest stars, you'd understand that I was already a little messed up. (No, not one of those dreams!)

Anyway, Jimmy Carter is an Elder.

Nope, not kidding.

The Rise Of Emo

2007-09-07T04:32:00.000-07:00

It's a great big duh to me, but reporters, doctors and parents are baffled as the rise of emo and MCR coincides perfectly with a sudden CDC study on the rise in suicides among teenage girls.

Who would think that listening to depressing ass, whiney, self-serving music all of the time and buying into the associated one-up drama culture would do that?

Fucking morons.

New Favorite Show

2007-08-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

So it's been a month since i posted and I really have no desire to tell anyone why because its exhasuting.

I do, however, want to tell everyone about my new favorite tv show - Charmed.

Oh. My. God.

So this is the third epsiode i've ever watched and they've already been suckedinto an EVIL ice cream truck while the third sister is off dealing with her daddy issues.

I'm psyched. This is better than Alias.

Common Sense Is A Republican

2007-06-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

I got this today in a forward at work...and you all know how much I love those.

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a
student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to
Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.

Annoying News

2007-06-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

Today, the news is annoying.

Seriously, from the MySpace Presidential campaign contributions and the you tube sopranos spoof to the frnot page "oh my god, a small can can still be safe in a collision" article, I'm starying to lose my mind.

See Obama Run

2007-06-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

Seeeeeeee.... slimey mother fucker.

Clinque...For Men?

2007-06-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God.

Those of you who know me well, and if you've been reading this for any duration, you can probably count yourself among the afor mentioned crowd, know that I rail on the "metrosexual" about as hard as anyone can without getting the Nerf Anger Bats out, so it should come as no surprise to you that this soft news article made me more than a little sad.

I think it was the first time in all of my years that I actually wanted to think they were referring to the twelve and thirteen year old eyeliner wearing, My Chemical Romance retards.

*sigh*

I get that you guys want to look good, I really do. The concealer I could probably forgive, and I personally thought it was a triumph when it was suggested to some of the ill coifed that they start using an aftershave with moisturizer in it because boy do you guys get rough and scaley fast, but this brow gel is going just a wee bit too far for my tastes.

Oy.

Jack Is Back, Microsoft Falls Out Of Favor And Other Things To Do While Avoiding Your Co-Workers

2007-06-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

[MSNBC: Kavorkian Released]

[MSNBC: Google Is Eating The World And Finally Someone Other Than Me Noticed]

[MSNBC: Wayne Hale Looks Even More Bald In Photos Than He Does On TV]

It's Heeeere

2007-05-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

Geeks like me probably remember when Billy Boy was playing with this at CES a few years ago, but i'm so glad that, like so many CES toys, it didn't fall to the wayside.

[Table Top Touch Screens]

Airports are about to kick a lot more ass.

Getting American's Where It Hurts

2007-05-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

When Ethanol was pushed for the first time in the last decade as TheSolution to theproblem of insane oil consumption, I was against it.

Corn is not, as the Bush administration, Republicans and even Democrats would have you to believe, a renewable resource. True, it's more renewable than fossil fuels, which you're probably going to be a bit hard pressed to find after we suck up what remains, but the problem with corn is that it isn't truly renewable.

Anyone who ever studied the Amazon River Basin in Jr. High Geography probably learned something about crop rotation. And, if you live in Small-Town America, you probably experienced it first hand.

You see, the thing about all organic life is that it's cyclical. It takes and it gives. Take the bee for instance. It takes pollen from plants and converts it to honey which, in turn, fuels the bees until they die, at which point their bodies decompose and redeposit any vitamins, minerals and calories they borrowed from the pollen to begin with. Then, a flower grows there. Crops don't differ so drastically. In order for a vegetable to be high in any particular thing, it has to derive it from the soil around it. With corn, much of the nutritional value is lost in the stalks, which are generally chopped down and dropped off to suppliment a hay bale maze somewhere in the midwest. Nevertheless, corn is notoriously hard on the soil in which it grows, meaning that the cost of growing it is a lot higher than we think.

Of course, when we're talking about human edible consumption, the cost isn't that high in a nation of excesses like ours. We don't eat that much of it and humans have an innate ability to return our wastes to the cycle. True, it's costly to grow as crops require a lot of attention but it's generally ok.

That is, until the conversation became about gasoline.

But anyway, all of that to get you to the thing that's going to hurt American's in a way that only it can and finally get us on the road to hydrogen fuel cells: BEER.

Crazy Ass Asians

2007-05-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

I know that, speaking in geopolitical terms, it's always the Middle East tauted for their crazy, unstable, violent political beliefs, tendancies and wide-termed etcetera but, I have news for you ladies and gentlemen, Middle Eastern militants may be fucking crazy, but they have nothing on the bat-shit insane antics of the Asians.

I could reference my favorite buffont wearing mother fucker, but to keep things simple, lets cite a current example - a quote from the Chinese diplomat sent to Darfur earlier this year.

"I didn't see a desperate scenario of people dying of hunger." - Liu Guijin

I grabbed that curtosy of a rather extensive article that made the front page of the paper version of the Trib today, including a rather large, full color photograph on page 20 with the articles extension. Of course, it was second on the page only to the giant ass ad, but I'm happy to see the violence in Darfur getting any press. Never the less, a great big WTF goes out to my good friend

Someone has been drinking John McCain's Kool-Aid.

You're Out, Tom.

2007-05-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

I try really hard not to blog about the news unless it's something that really strikes a chord, either comical or otherwise. Today I have to blog, even though it's something I doubt many of you will understand.

[MSNBC: Bush's Monica Problem] "John F. Kennedy, after all, appointed his brother and consigliere Robert to be attorney general."

Robert Kennedy - Bobby, to those of you who know nothing about historical politics that wasn't in a Sean Connery movie - is famously touted for being an active opponent of the teamsters and, most specifically Jimmy Hoffa, which makes it ironic that he be referred to as the consigliere, the italian word for "counselor" as it has been long used in context to the mafia.

The best part, really though - oh my god he was totally the consigliere....

Anyway, yeah, that's that for my geeky Kennedy reference of the day.

I love apple sauce.

Happy News

2007-05-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

Mike found a site for me the other night - happynews.com... Actually, in truth, he found it for himself, but he shared it with me because he knew I'd like to have a place that reports only the kinder-news my phsyical well being demands i read.

And then there was happiness. That is, of course, until a few minutes ago when, grumpy from having a crappy morning at work, I realized that happynews.com has added like four new stories since I logged on the last time - four days ago.

How un-freaking-nerving is that? That's all they could come up with - that some kid won a geography bee?

happynews, yes, that's right, happynews depresses me by its lack of new news.

MySpace, How I Loathe Thee

2007-05-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

....agrrrrrrrr

But then yay!.

I know, I know. A lot of this wanders beyond that which can be called "polite" and the part of me that thinks that everyone deserves some right to privacy with regard to what they do on the internet and that the Federal government forcing sites like MySpace to hand over your details to them is a little dirty does pretty harsh battle with the part of me that thinks that when you start fucking with kids, you're asking to have your life turned inside out and inspected for the rest of forever because there is obviously something seriously wrong with you.

Oh well.

2007-05-08T18:22:00.001-07:00

So tonight marks the series finale of a show I have been a fan of for a long time. Well, okay, it's not actually the series finale. In truth, the series finale is next week, but I knew tonight at 7:58 that this show was, as I know it, over and I didn't really want a part in it after that.

It ends, for me, on the note that Rory, a character who for a while I identified with and later I broke from, watching the series in a really pathetic, retrospective, 'what could have been if I'd done any of the things anyone thought I was going to do' kind of way, cutting ties with her long time boyfriend. Or, at least, that's what the spoilers said it was going to be. As it turned out, they were right insofar as to say that he would propose and she would say no. I guess, knowing what the series has always intended to imply – a sense of undying, independent, stubborn girl power – I can completely understand why they opted to write the characters down different paths. For Rory to say that she would marry Logan, move to Silicon Valley and grow her avocado tree would be…well, it would be unfair to all of the little girls this series was trying to reach and the part of me that has commitment induced panic attacks appreciates that there is something out here telling people that you don't have to get married and raise kids and call that your life. Still, for Rory and Logan to end on that note seems unfair in deference to the rest of their relationship. Rory is a stubborn, girl power kind of girl and hasn't this show done enough to show us that you don't always have to end up with the one you thought you were going to love forever? Lorelai and Chris, which I'll admit to supporting the demise of since it was suggested in the first ten episodes and Lorelai and Max who were adorable to the core – Max cared for her so much and was willing to forgive many of her commitmentphobic tendancies… - Lorelai and Jason, quirky though Jason was, and much though we all wanted him to get out of the fucking way to make room for the Luke/Lorelai love fest we were all so desperately waiting for, when it came, there was still an element of "Okay, we get the point. You don't have to be with someone to be happy and you can choose things that are important to you over men. It's OK to love things more than you love a guy."

On the other hand, for Rory to roll over and lie down when he said "You jump, I jump, Jack." (for the second time) seems wholey contradictory to that point. If she loves him – if she wants him, why let it be what it is that quickly. And if she doesn't, what have they been telling us for the last three years?

In the end, I suppose my attachment to the play out of the relationship, moreso than a simple affection for the characters themselves and my adorably naïve love of happy endings comes from some kind of a desire to see the cards fall nicely. Lets be honest, Rory and Logan gave me hope that it could be OK. That the panicked, intimacyphobic could be in relationships and not kill eachother. She was Annette Benning. She did land the whale.

Ah well, what you're reading are the inane musings of a person feeling a bit to much pressure from her insurmountable number of married/engaged pregnant/child raising co-workers and the strange sources from which this pressure comes outside of the workplace…like my neighbor's husband. (Seriously – how fucking weird is it for a middle-aged man with no vested interest in myself or Mike to ask me when we're getting married. Seriously?!)

Coffee. Gin.

I wonder what coffee and gin would taste like together…

Mexico City Votes On Abortion

2007-04-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well, even if we may be slipping back to The Dark Ages, it would appear that, in other places in the world, logic may still prevail. Of course, I'm not really sure how the population boom in Waukegan will handle it but maybe they'll find a way to be OK.

The Only Thing Worse...

2007-04-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

...than diner artwork is office artwork. For those of us lucky enough to dodge the company advertisements and motivational posters, it seems that we're relegated to whatever was on sale at the last Starving Artists bargain show.

Holy crap is it bad.

We Now Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled, Work Induced Lull To Bring You A Rant The Size Of Stupidity

2007-04-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

One of the groovy things about the news is that, while a lot of you might not have a clue if I were to mention an obscure congressman, I bet, in this instance, you're all going to know what I mean when I mention the guy who shot the fuck out of Virginia Tech a few days ago.

No longer an avid or active news reader, myself - because reading it makes me do things like this - I try to stick to the kinderNews, new legs for panda bears and the like but, even with an extremely adequate filtration system as I have set up, when something like this goes wrong, everybody fucking says something. I suspect that more Coallition troops and Iraqi civilians died on April 16th than were killed in that school and I will gaurentee you that more people were savagely raped and murdered in Darfur on April 16th. Naturally, that's not to say that what happened on that campus was not a tragedy and doesn't deserve the be remembered - that the survivors and their families will not need to support, but it is to say that the American Ego might do well to spend a little less time complacently waiting for another thing to distract us from the many other complex, far-reaching, international indiscretions taking place each and every single day.

I was watching Bill Maher this morning. Now, I know, he's a controversial political comedian and what I normally have to say to people on the subject of him is "People, it was called Politically Incorrect!" but, today...today Mr. Bill Maher crossed a line with me. The man is certianly not a bastion of reason or sage advice - he's amusing and he knows that's his function. On occasion, however, I'm inclined to hold political comedians responsible, at least in the small view, for reaching their audience in some way and not just taking the easy joke. It's John Stewart on Crossfire, taking the moment to make a genuine appeal to American journalists to fully understand their role, their responsibilities and their impact. Whats worse, unlike The Daily Show or The Colbert Report, Real Time, on occasion, branches into actual political discourse as was done today with one Bill Moyers. Now, it's certianly not anything like the chicken chasing antics of Tucker Carlson, but he's about as much a real journalist as you or me. Hell, I probably researched the things I'm about to say more heavily than he researched his last piece on Karl Rove.

Anyway, all of that was to get me to this point - and some of it was just some self-serving rambling but it's my blog and there's nothing more self-serving than having one so fuck it. Bill Maher dedicated the majority of his program today (or Friday/Saturday, I guess...i'm downloading and viewing at a later date, you understand) to a discussion of the insane, gun control and how self-serving and unlucky this kid was but that he really just needed to get the fuck over it.

Do not get me wrong. This kid was self-serving, egotistical, probably clinically insane and really lacked any shred of reasonable coping skills. At some point you do have to grow up and move beyond a lot of the shit that happens in middle school and highschool and realize that that chapter of your life will eventually end, or take responsiblity for the fact that, on some level, if people don't like you it's because of something you're doing or something that you are and eventually you just have to find the people that do like you because they do exist out there and you will eventually get to them. Unless, of course, there's a clinical disorder at play and, at some point, a lisenced therapist and some high quality prescription medication are in order. The fact of the matter, however, is that in addition to whatever he was doing to further complicate his situation, the kid probably did not have it easy. From a likely tie to autism or asperger's syndrome to a cultural sterotype surrounding mental illness that his family appears to have been deeply involved in and into a school environment where no one - no one - is more cruel than children....It's no wonder by the time he made it to college he was stalking women and a lot more fucked up than even that suggests.

The news is confused. Bill Maher is confused. The entire journalistic camp of our mainstream media, comedians or otherwise, looks around and wonders "why?" - Why did he shoot up a school? Why did he kill a bunch of people who were never really that mean to him?

Because, you stupid ass mother fuckers, you were that mean to him.

Children are nothing if not cruel and I suspect if the mainstream media came out and asked where his teachers were when he was a child - why his parents didn't do more to help him deal with the issues he was having at home and at school - why an administrator didn't intervene to teach these other children to be kinder to other people...Well, there would probably be a lot fewer copy cats over the coming weeks.

You don't treat other people like that. You just don't.

Religious Pamphlet Day

2007-04-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

So I brought all of these home wiht the intention of photographing them to share with all of you but then I didn't, so you get the abbreviated version :)

Dude.

Seriously.

I got like 15 religious pamphlets in the mail in the first fifteen minutes of my day yesterday, and none of them were as bad as the big red sticker on the outside of an envelope that read "Warning: America will never be blessed as long as 3500 babies are killed every day through abortions."

theSEX

2007-04-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot lately, as evidenced by my very disjointed post. (I know, normally disjointed wouldn't be a sign of reading, but i've been reading Tom Robbins.) I've also, surprise surprise, watching a lot of movies and tv and I realized that, not only are all of my preconcieved notions about the things i'm attracted to true, they're getting more pronounced :P

Who Knows What Time It Is?

2007-04-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

So I came into work this morning to find a couple of interesting things.

First, I should really go back to the coffee. I miss the coffee, and the coffee misses me. It would seem that, without the afor mentioned coffee, Godfather Evenings aren't going to be possible. (I stayed up and watched the first like 45 minutes of Godfather II last night and I've been paying for it since I woke up.) This morning, I came in and made a menial, moronic mistake...about 475 times. Yeah, I'm not exaggerating. It took me an hour and a half to fix it and - the worst part? - I did it yesterday too.

Two, today is military aerospace pay-up day. The Senate must have sent out some checks because the names coming across my desk are, for once, names I know. (Because Tommy's Banana Hut isn't exactly on my Must See List but when I see Northrop Grumman I know who they are, what they do and exactly how their existence impacts my daily life.) Unfortunately, they were so among my 475 errors. Yeah, that's right, I fucked the quasi-government.

Anyway, today sucks, tomorrow will probably suck too, but it sucks a lot less knowing that, at the end of the week...the monies...on the monies... How does one spell the faux-pluralization of money? Given our current economic state, is it a little ironic that you can't have a single smithereen and, as far as grammar is concerned, money isn't a singular device as well?

I hate apricot jelly.

What Time Is It?

2007-04-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Time for your 11 o'clock-ish blog post :)

I have a few words for you.

Gallery. Eaten. 1500 Categories Lost. Kay Crying.

Pet Killer

2007-03-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

Did I mention I don't do well with free time? What the hell do these people do with their free lunch periods. They made me wear a skirt and they want me to do it for an extra half hour while I eat a bag of carrot sticks and a banana?

I miss my tablet and my photoshop. Lunches are for people who don't have anything better to be doing, me thinks...or they're for people who do have something better to be doing... i'm not really sure.

ANYWAY, the point of all of this was that I was trying to read the news. Of late, i've been avoiding it for my health and it's been working but if they're going to make me entertain myself for a half hour, well, it's gonna have to be MSNBC and CNN that do it. Somehow I think I might alienate people ifi start streaming Senate and House sessions at my desk. I don't know if i'll keep reading the news, hwoever, because i never actually started. I saw this, and decided i had to blog it immediately before it was eaten by the ether.

That's right folks, PET KILLER!

Google Say What?

2007-03-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i'm not at home right now, which is why I even have to ask this incrediably inane question. (Yes, I was reminded to take my lunch break. No, I have no idea how I will fill this manditory half hour and if they suggest I take an hour one more time, I may have to kill myself.) Anyway, I logged on to google, like you do on your lunch break, to see exactly how far outside the web of large company IT opression you could get - okay, i wasn't looking that hard, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't intranet bound. But yes, Google, thy sparse, subtle page has changed....

A lot.

A lot, a lot.

There is crap on Google? Someone tell me i'm halucinating or something. Over abudance of carrot sticks perhaps?

Prime Ministers Question Hour

2007-03-21T20:14:00.000-07:00

I know that no one else watches this but, dude, it's so much fun. I missed it.

The yelling thing? And the sitting down thing? Oh boy.

The thing about it is this. As Americans, we think of the UK as sort of a civilized sort of place with lots of crazy, archane rules left over from the Monarchy - and yet, whenever someone speaks during question hour, the crowd heckles like it's Comedy Sportz.

ABC Soundtrack

2007-03-06T20:04:00.000-08:00

Does it bother anyone else that every single ABC show shares the same fifteen song soundtrack.

Jason Pohl's Workstation of Love

2007-03-04T12:24:00.000-08:00

System Specs:

Workstation: Hewlett-Packard xw8400 Workstation
Monitor - Hewlett-Packard 22" LCD
Tablet Monitor - Wacom Cintiq 21UX
Peripherals - Logitech Keyboard, Mouse, and Speakers
Software -

Adobe Production Suite
Solidworks 2007
Alias Sketch Book Pro
Alias StudioTools

Oh, and if you have no idea what i'm talking about - imdb.

Aoooooooooooh!

2007-02-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

Does it scare anyone else when Oprah beds down with the devil himself?

I know he's anti pedophile but come on.

Fish Eye Winery: Thinking Inside of the Box

2007-02-20T19:55:00.000-08:00

Now we all know how I feel about boxed wine. I also feel negatively about the ginat bottles of wine that are practically kegs in and of themselves. I also have a problem with people who don't store their wine on a decline and let the cork dryout then get confused as to why their wine goes rancid.

I have a lot of problems with people and with wine but today...today I got a laugh. Fish Eye is advertising boxed wine as an equivolent to the casks used to store the raw...well, grape juice.

[url=http://www.fisheyewines.com/]Fish Eye Wines[/url]

Instant Valentine's Day Survival Guide

2007-02-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

For a woman, Valentine's Day is about being remembered. It's about someone focusing on you long enough to choose a gift. The irony, however, si that Valentine's Day is so heavily advertised and heavily commercialized that men have to go to almost no effort to remember or choose a gift. Some of us are aware of that, but shush, don't ruin it for yourself.

For men, I suspect Valentine's Day is overwhelming. Too many sitcoms have given you the impression that you have to do something over the top - massage oils, flower petals, a dozen roses and diamond earrings - in order to make a dent in our expectations. The truth of the matter is that that's simply wrong.

Read on, my friends.

The Perfect Quick Gift.
So this might not be the perfect gift, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting it and, if my survey is at all correct, neither would anyone else. It has all of the classic elements of Valentine's Day, but it does it in such a way that makes sure you don't break the bank, your back or her spirits.

Candy: If you're going with chocolate, don't buy a box at the grocery store. Whatever her favorite kind of chocolate is (i'm partial to that from a shop about 45 minutes away) buy it but, to avoid the dangerous weight web, only buy a few. 6 to 10 is a good number that will keep you from looking cheap and her from feeling like she's just blown her entire diet plan. If she doesn't like chocolate, or if she simply has a favorite something else that you're aware of - whatever it may be - go with that. It's thoughtful that you noticed and she's bound to appreciate it. (I love blue rasberry blowpops....it's 5 bucks for a bag of like thirty and the fact that someone thought of it would make me happy.)

Flowers: You don't have to buy a dozen roses to keep yourself off of the sofa. You shouldn't buy a dozen carnations either, though. (Funeral flowers.) Find out what her favorite flower is and, when cost is an issue, buy less of them. You could get away with buying a single stem of her favorite without question, as long as it's accompanied by something else and you remembered what she likes.

Extras If you don't want to go the flower and candy route, or if you're looking at a single flower and a tiny box of chocolates feeling like that just isn't going to do it, there are a ton of other simple things you can do.

Wal-Mart sells inexpensive adorable stuffed animals and no girl can resist something adorable. There are a few tips and tricks to that - of course. First of all, we like things that are both squishy and maleable and have soft fur. Second, if you buy something with an "i wub you" heart pillow sewn into it's paws, it's obvious that you picked it up in the Valentine's Day isle. Odd though this may sound, wandering into the toy department and finding a stuffed bear that is just a cute stuffed bear will go a lot farther - plus, the animals in the toy department are usually cuddlier. (Bonus points if the animal you buy is her favorite animal)

Lingere is a trap, of course and whether or not it's a safe buy really depends on the girl you're with. Some, like me, might find lingere of any variety fun and complimentary. Other's might be OK with a gift certificate to their favorite store so they can go choose some themselves. (It's an OK bet if you're on the fence. She may prefer snuggly PJ's over something in black mesh and, that way, she gets to pick it herself and you don't end up tarred and feathered...unless you're into that.) Still, there are some who would be offended by the fact that you bought them lingere on a day that was supposed to be about getting them something they liked. The moral - unless you're very sure about your girlfriend and your relationship at the moment, stay away from lingere - -it can be a big beast.

Jewelery will probably never upset a girl, but getting the wrong piece can really upset you. My advice, if you're going to buy your girl jewelery, don't make it a surprise. Or, do make it a surprise. There are a lot of pretty cooperative jewelers out there and you might be able to covince one to part with a box. Tie a ribbon around it, stick a balloon to it, leave it on the pillow with a single stem next to it - whatever your presentation may be, write her a little note telling her how you feel about her and that you'd like to go pick out a special piece of jewelery to remind her of that and stick it in the box where the ring/necklace/earrings/whatever would go. Then, take her shopping with you. Obviously, it's important to set a price range before you get there, or set one with the jeweler and arrange to have them show you a few pieces within that range - that way, there's no weird awkwardness about her picking a piece that is twice what you could afford to spend. It's a good way to avoid buying a classic platinum girl an orante gold whatever or getting a woman who doesn't like to wear earrings a necklace. Plus, there's something cool about walking through a jewelery store like that....Kind of a win win, they get the surprise of finding the box and falling in love with the idea, plus the neato high of the shopping experience and they're bound to get something they love :)

Those, of course, are just the staples of the day. You could easily get out from under the V-Day trap for less than $30 bucks if you shop with the suggestions above in mind and, even if you're looking to spend more, you're still gaurenteed not to make any classic mistakes, product of not properly understanding the female psyche :)

WTF Happened To Edward Norton?

2007-02-10T15:44:00.001-08:00

Okay, for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, remember that scene in American History X where something really gross and probably offensive happened? Yeah, that was Edward Norton.

So, when I thought I saw a trailer for what looked like a clear chick flick and I swore to god I saw him it, I think I choked on my tongue a little.

Well, it would seem, from the limited information IMDB provides, that he is in not one but two chick flicks.

[The Illusionist | The Painted Veil]

I'm familliar with neither. Does anyone care to enlighten me because, from my cursory research...well, I'm disturbed.

Or maybe that it's that no image of him will ever be as firmly burned into my brain as the look on his face when his character snapped that guys neck....

headtothemotherfuckindesk

2007-02-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

[vamp.org: " 5. If you have scars on your wrists from suicide attempts, by all means display them proudly. The same goes for bruises, cuts, and track marks. Abscesses, however, should always be coyly veiled in filmy black fabric."]

Kay is beating her brains in right now. Should I display that proudly too?

Christ, they have me talking about myself in the third person.

More Things I Knew Before They Were At Hot Topic

2007-02-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

I do this occasionally, find out that something is beloved by all of the little emo boys and girls and get pissed off because, god damnit, I had that when you either made it yourself or it came from lip service.

Well, today, ladies and gents - today I've found out that there is Foamy Wear at Hot Topic.

Do not make me go downstairs and get my faded ass, cafe press foamy sweatshirt, fanbrats.

Fuckers.

We Interupt Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast

2007-02-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

...to bring you a rant.

[IMDB: Atlas Shrugged Cast & Crew]

That sound you hear? That is the sound of my soul dying.

I actually want to cry a little.

Cream Cheesey Victory Is Mine!!!

2007-01-31T19:21:00.000-08:00

I may not be able to end a war quickly, but after six years of searching for "Hello Kitty Alarm Clock' at varying intervals in search of the best alarm clock EVER, I was wandering through Best Buy tonight with Mike and FOUND IT!!

Stupid hiding type alarm clock. And to think, i'd have found them in SPADES if i thought to insert "Tea Cup"

Hello Kitty - making getting up more pleasent, one adorable clock at a time. Plus, dude, the lemon lights up.

The 4 Day War

2007-01-31T10:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you were ever kids but, if you were, you probably played more than one game of WAR. A little bit like Bullshit, WAR involves a single deck of cards - no jokers. The deck is divided evenly between the players - if you have more than four, it's wise to get a second deck. Then, each player throws the top card from their pile and throws it into the center. The person who turned in the highest card takes them all. The game can end two ways. One, when one of the players have all of the cards or two, when you run out of time and you count the number of cards in each players hand and the person with the highest number wins. (There is a small variable there - when I was a kid, we used to - on occasion - actually count the point value of each card and the person with the highest number of points won.)

Well, you all also know that I am a terrible multi-tasker and that I have an almost pathological need to be entertained by several sources at all times so, since Mike and I haven't been particularly chatty lately, when I'm saving a .psd or a commercial is on, I've taken to playing cards all by my lonesome and one of the few games it's not totally weird to play alone is WAR. Divide the deck in two and there you have it.

Oh my god for the four day long game of WAR.

But, it's over now :) And that makes me happy so...ya know, yes, i'm still alive.

Sacreligious!

2007-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you are familliar with this statue, but it's a Piccasso and it lives in Chicago, Illinois outside of the .

Of late, it has a big fat Chicago Bears headband on. I'm annoyed. Very very very annoyed.

State of the Union

2007-01-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

It should be said that I watched the State of the Union last night, a practice in which I don't usually engage.

Yes, that's right - I, who watch C-SPAN like it's a Saturday morning religious broadcast and I'm a slightly sullied soul, trying to wiggle out from under last nights companions arm, do not customarily watch one fo the largest political broadcasts of any given year. I don't like the State of the Union. It's politically irrelevant. Other than getting a pulse on how desperate the President is, there's little other reason to watch it. The Congressmen and women who appear - the dignitaries and, on occasion, the pop-culture heroes - are all carefully greased for the event and the speech is prepared word for word.

True, there's not a lot of honesty in a House or Senate session, but there are facial expressions, twitchy movements and intonations that even the most accomplished of liars can't hide. At least it's a little closer to the truth.

Anyway, last night I watched and, for those of you who didn't - the highlight reel.

John McCain, as it appeared at several points in the broadcast - eyes shut, head drooped, hands folded limply at is lap - was having a happy nap. He's had a run in with melanoma, it's true, but you'd think even if he were a current chemo patient, he could take some iron suppliments and kick that anemia for a few hours. The best part? He took part in the "on the steps response" covered by ABC's Charlie Gibson. Can you respond to something you slept through?

Charlie may be a more decent human being than I am, because he didn't point it out.

Ted Kennedy spent most of the evening looking like he was suffering from an even worse case of tongue biting syndrome than Hilary Clinton if the migraine-head-clutch was any indication. The notes were a little creepy too. Though, maybe he was losing at tic-tac-toe. Presidential hang-man? No, that was last month...

Because the most common camera angle was that of the Vice President and Speaker of the House sitting (or standing, or drinking, as it were) behind the President, I have to say that I think one of my favorite aspects of the evening (other than Redemption By Association Hour) was watching Cheney's tie...or maybe it was watching Pelosi purse her lips and look awkwardly in any direction but straight ahead or at our Commander in Chief.

If you didn't get a chance to watch, this installment of the SOU Address was far more amusing than most and you can watch it, straight from the U.S. Government here.

The Cute! Oh, The Cute!

2007-01-21T11:18:00.000-08:00

Because who can resist putting a tie on their dog? No one?

By popular demand and request - more pictures of one of the adorable puppies.

...and i'm getting a little closer to the thing that intrigues me most

2007-01-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

I once had a friend.

I know. Shocking. But no, that wasn't the end of the thought.

I once had a friend who got angry with me over my least favorite word – potential. More specifically, he was angry because, at 17, I was spending my afternoons with him and my evenings with Mike, taking 200 level courses at the local four-year community college when, in his eyes, I could've been curing cancer, making a bid for office or winning the Nobel Peace Prize. No lie – these are his words, not mine.

At the time, I was furious. How dare someone tell me that instead of being a teenager, I needed to solve world hunger or prove the existence of a higher power or get involved in some new physical study? I was seventeen and a senior in high school already working hard on my second semester in college with a six credit overload – what more could he possibly want from me? {The part of me that feels a need to insert a joke in the middle of all this sincerity would like you to know that I found out exactly what more he could possibly want from me about a year and a half later and I really don't think Mike was happy with the exchange. God knows I wasn't.)

The friendship has since ended and it went up in a fiery mess that could hold most people in awe but, when quorum was last called, we'd found some sort of peaceful coexistence and, frankly, I think that's the most anyone ever could have asked of us.

Until this afternoon, I hadn't thought about that argument in three years and, for the first time since it happened – and, hey, I'm 21, so there's some air in between the issues – I realized that there are very few people on this earth who will ever have the fortune of meeting someone who believes in them that hard. How often do we meet people who believe that not only could we achieve something grand, but that we will simply as a matter of inevitable course?

My life, of late, has given rise to a lot of flogging and a few epiphanies, but I certainly didn't see this particular realization coming.

I won't say I miss him, because what I miss was someone who was never really real and I won't say I'm sorry for everything, because I'm not. What happened rests equally on the shoulders between us but what I can say for it is this – I should have taken better care of one of the people who used to believe in me most.

Luckily, and if I can keep my head on straight, there are still a few out there – a few bridges I haven't burned and I swear to god, I'm trying to put the matches down.

Incan Matrimonial Headmasks?

2007-01-20T21:25:00.000-08:00

I am about to blog.

Why am I telling you that I'm about to blog? Well, it's because, though I've finally thought of something to say, I feel a need to explain my recent absence but I feel no need to tie the two posts together.

My life has been…complicated…of late. Which isn't to say that my life isn't always complicated, it's just reached a new plane of complicated.

Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

I don't blog to update people on my life, save the occasions when I've recently disappeared or the times when there really is news to pass on and I'd like to impart it without going to through the painful and difficult ordeal of actually having to talk to people. I blog either because I'm hoping someone will read it and it will change their mind, like posting about someone doing something stupid, or I blog because there is something going on that I really hope people know about, like when I update the latest PEEJ arrest scores. I blog when something amusing happens and I just feel like talking about it, like when a funny news story comes off the wire and, lastly, I blog when I feel the need to talk but there's no one to listen.

With that having been said, it's not that I don't have anything to say or that nothing is going on, it's that too much is going on and I can't get a grip on it. I feel like James fucking Joyce.

King would be proud.

I Told You Fuckers

2007-01-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

[The Number 23]

As most of you who are reading this know, most people I am aquaineted with have a deep seated phobia about the number 23 and, unhappily, it didn't originate with this movie.

Well, anyway. We all fucking told you so, and now movie producers know it too.

I should get myself a trend spotting gig.

C-SPAN is on Fire

2007-01-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

So I didn't watch C-SPAN yesterday, mostly because there was some boring shit going on. Big shit, but not as much fun sparring as I enjoy.

Today, however, today it has been a non-stop pissing match between the Republican's and Democrats and it's high quality entertainment.

[C-SPAN: Watch C-SPAN Live]

Coffee Table Books

2006-12-27T03:38:00.000-08:00

I am officially in love with this book.

[Pop-Up Kama Sutra]

Some News

2006-12-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

"Army Pvt. Evan A. Bixler, 21, Racine, Wis., died Sunday in Hit from enemy indirect fire; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 6th Infantry, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Baumholder, Germany."

[[From the AP]]

...

2006-12-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

I never really know what to say in situations like this, but they always leave me feeling like the event should be marked somehow - like maybe saying something with make it feel better. In my experience, it never does, but maybe this time it will.

Yesterday, an old friend was killed in action in Iraq. I found out tonight halfway through gift opening at my uncle's house. In the words of my tenth grade history teacher: War Bad.

Evan, thanks man. Amy, if you're out there, I'm sorry.

Bah Fucking Humbug

2006-12-24T11:18:00.000-08:00

...that was really all i had to say...

2006 Totally Fuckable List

2006-12-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

I have been remiss!!!

In no particular order:

Justin Timberlake: A new addition to the TFL, Justin makes his debut somewhere near the would-be top because god damn do I have a weakness for a lean, limber man in a pinstripe suit.

Matt Damon: Long time resident hangs on for another year. He's gained some weight and gotten older - true - but his political roles and increasingly intelligent banter keep me interested.

David Beckham: Sorry, Rena, but I still think he's hot and, yes, I promise to not let him speak if ever do end up in an elevator with him.

Dave Navarro: Such a pity he and Carmen didn't have kids.

Matt Czuchry: If he could stay in character (Logan - duh, where have you been?) Well...yeah...

David Anders: Mmmmm...Sark....

Michael Vartan: And for a twist, a little good to go with my afor mentioned evil ;)

Benjamin McKenzie: The only person on the list for their mind and not their looks. Now, don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't kick him out of bed if he were stupid but wililng, however, he's not my cup of tea enough to make the list were it not for the fact that he seems to be a really intelligent, aware guy who happened upon acting because he realized he didn't actually want to be a politician. (Yes, I get the irony)

Mourning:
This years edition has been a shake up - lots of new faces and not a lot of old ones, but none so large as this - for the first time since I was 9 years old, Billie Jo is not on this list. I know. I know. It does feel like a part of me has died, but I can no longer forgive him the awful haircut. It keeps getting worse and he keeps not doing anything about it. Plus, he's getting a little REM for my tastes.

Google

2006-12-22T00:51:00.000-08:00

So there are some things you should know about me. A lot of things, in fact and, most of them, can be found out through a quick google search of BitterEpiphany but, for kicks, lets do a "Me/Not Me" list.

In order:

bitterepiphany.com - me
tda profile - me
dA - me
interWORX - me
hpff author page - me
fictionalley - me
timeturner.net - me
blogger - me
hpff: meet the author - me
ipsbeyond - me
gallery: menalto - me
astronomy tower - me
mcafee - me
instantstar - not me
narutofan - me
mugglenet.fanfiction - me
hp12 - not me
digitalscrapbooking - me (hey! you have to register to view!)
theultimateguide to dramione - not me (actually, i haven't figured out why this showed up yet, anyway.)
queen of hearts - me-ish...(OK, i'm not registered there, but they're refering to me :))
someones fanfiction.net page - it is fun to watch the trickle down, but i have no idea who this person is.
Hogwarts - my home away from home - me-ish (yup, its the trickle again!)
carfixers - ME!
someoneslj - more trickle!
Envious Magic - me..ish (the best part is - site admin at this stie HATES ME!)
my livejournal - me
dog forums - me
someone's lj - more trickle :)
applianceblog - me
someone elses dA - trickle
uhh.. - i'm still not sure about this one.
gilmorefan - trickle (and a surprise trickle too!)
youtube - not me!
dA - trickle
fantastic something - trickle
friction - not me
somewhere weird - trickle
someone's lj - trickle

Google is such a fun game :)

The Common Cold

2006-12-17T18:26:00.000-08:00

Among teenagers, depression is like a bad cold in a pre-school. It starts with one kid bringing it home and, before you know it, thirty-six thirteen year olds are listening to Sunny Day Real Estate and researching the vegan diet from their darkened basements. I don’t know if anyone else is aware of this fact but if my teenage years taught me nothing else, it was that.

So, a few weeks ago when my brother sent a quasi-suicide note to a friend, I immediately pulled back on the reigns of his relationship with Mike’s nephews to stop the spread of life threatening bacteria.

Well, apparently I’m the biggest bitch in the world.

New Puppies!

2006-12-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

Why I Won't Be Blogging Today

2006-12-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

Because I did this instead.

99% Nerd and...Embracing It?

2006-12-02T22:40:00.000-08:00

So, I took a nerd test tonight and the results, they were depressing. Following it, however, I had this conversation:

BitterEpiphany: and he pointed out that the fact that i can identify all of the kennedies in the family photo album counts against me
Other Person: oh my god. that is weird.
Other Person: There was an arguemtn on face book on how Rob Kennedy was related to John Kennedy. care to enlighten us?
BitterEpiphany: As in Bobby Kennedy of recent film fame?
Other Person: yeah.
BitterEpiphany: Brothers
BitterEpiphany: If you're refering to John, not John John

I am severely depressed right now :P

Angst In My Pants

2006-11-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I don't have quite as much angst in my pants as I once did, but I spend a lot less time musing than I used to. Which, for you, is probably a mixed blessing. On the one hand, you probably pass by my page as often as you once did but, instead of finding 1000 words to read while you're avoiding – what was it, Susan? 18th C literature? – you end up with a whole lot of nothing or some vague one-liner about Christmas lights and how much I hate it when the flash. (Seriously, I do.) Nevertheless, this morning I woke up with a nagging feeling that today was not going to be one of those days. It wasn't.

Over the years I've been accused of a lot of things – not the least of which is that I'm a bit of a complete bitch. Look up "bitch" in the dictionary and you get a great big picture of me and a link to my website. I can go from the simply unfeeling to deliberately cruel in fifteen seconds flat and I can do it without batting an eyelash. There has been more than one casualty, laying limp on the side of the road of my life. I've deflated more egos than I've boosted and I've done most of it relatively unintentionally and even more unapologetically. While there are, of course, some people exempted from this rule, I tend to treat the people who I would call my friends, or at least my round about acquaintances a lot like I treat my so called enemies.

I can't say that I've ever spent a good amount of time wondering why it is that I'm so hard on people. I know that I can be nothing if not verbally abusive and it's never been a mystery why there are some who deal with the business end of that sword almost every time they come into contact with me – and sometimes simply when the memory of them collides with a bad day. What I never really considered was why people like King, Nate, Aaron, or even Mike, who, for the moment at least, I had made peace with, often felt certain – or should have, at least – that I had it in my mind to be horrible to them on a given day.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning. Actually, I woke up at 11:30 last night, and 12:30, and 1:30, and 2:30, and 3:30 and 4:30…but at 5:30, I decided "fuck it" – and emphatically. Well, maybe not emphatically, but I don't really do anything emphatically at 5:30 in the morning. My point, anyway, was that between 5:30 and 6:30 I had solved a problem that has plagued the people in my life for years. Gotta love it when I day starts off like that – huh?

Okay, so maybe "solved' is a strong word. I haven't actually solved the problem, but it's less bad than it used to be. You see, there are very few people in my life that I'm not horrible to – and then I realized that there are very few people in my life who I don't hate a little, on some level and it all clicked into place.

The problem, not that you cared, is thus; if I'm treating you poorly and I haven't disclaimed my behavior with "I'm crabby today," the truth of the matter is that I probably hate you a little.

Were King alive, I'd still hate him a little. Actually, I kind of hated him a lot. A lot, a lot. Less than I did at one point, but more than was probably good for either of us. I think I probably hated him the most out of anyone I was at all nice to. Aaron…well, yup, kind of hate him a little. Not at lot…mostly because I wasn't really a big fan of him already by the time he elected to start doing things that annoy me. Hell, even Mike, I kind of hate a little…and he still lets me sleep in his bed.

While I'd love to say that the moral of the story is "don't poke the bear," I have to recognize that none of my considerable loathing, for these people at least, comes from an action I can't "get" – I may feel, quite certainly, that I never would have done any of the things that they did, but I've always, at least, been able to understand why they make the decisions that they do. So, in that vein, I guess I have to consider the moral of the story a change that has to happen on my end, rather than the other way around and, from that perspective, the moral of the story seems to be "let it go." Granted, knowing the moral doesn't mean I'm going to do anything with it, for no one has trust and betrayal issues like me. Actually, I think there are some East German Jews and a few Native Americans with small pox who might win the rodeo for that title, but no one does it with the kind of flair I do. ;)

In the end, now that I've publicly defamed a dead guy, my significant other and poor unsuspecting Aaron (told you I was a bitch) I don't really have a lot to say other than "hey, the trust and forgiveness thing was already on the to-do list."

Happy 23rd.

2006-11-23T21:31:00.000-08:00

Every year I get just a little bit more superstitious.

Today I'm Hating

2006-11-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

...people who put track numbers in the file name after they've already filled out the ID3 tags. I hate having to edit 01, 02, 03 out of an album just to get the files to list the way I want to. This is the internet. No one really gives a shit what the track number is - and if they do, they can look in the fucking ID3 tag.

Call Me Crazy

2006-11-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

Now, I know I might be nuts - or maybe i'm only noticing this phenomenon because for the last month I've bascially been saturated in sex toys and bad porn - but has anyone else noticed that the British have better sex toys than we do? I mean, yeah, okay, they have no problem shipping them out with a US compatible AC adapter and product label, and i'm not complaining or anything cuz I like to think I'm a relatively easy girl to please, but doesn't it bother you that the worlds biggest super power isn't having the best sex? And the Japanese...well, the fact that they're sticking their cell phones up their asses is making our news, so I'm thinking they haven't made any fantastic strides either.

I'm just saying, it's a little depressing.

All right, i'm going to go back to writing my NANOWRIMO entry now before I tell you all of the things I learned about the Golden Showers genre this morning...*shudder*

WooT!

2006-11-13T17:23:00.000-08:00

This would be an exceptionally self absorbed post, except that having a blog and knowing people will read it is kind of self-absorbed anyway, so I figure, I should just call it a wash. And, yes, I know that no one cares, but i'm telling you anyway - I dropped a dress size :)

I'm such a major fangirl for myself right now it's not even funny. :)

taps on glass

2006-11-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

Still alive :)

Not much to blog about, but still alive :)

NaNoWriMo is a bitch.

Halloweeen & Unrelated Congratulations

2006-11-01T14:51:00.000-08:00

First of all, congratulations to my old friend Chris, who just landed a nice job that puts him smack in the middle of New York City. I'd say i'll miss you, but I suspect our relationship won't change at all ;)

Onto the recap of my halloween. I know, I hyped it, cuz I do, but - I have to say - this year was not quite as good as I had wanted it to be. Mind you, it wasn't anyone elses fault. I didn't bother putting the effort into a costume or a party and I never found time to carve my real pumpkin, though I still have it and may carve it anyway. Or at least open it up to get the seeds out. Ever heard of a thanksgiving pumpking? Turkey-O-Lantern? Hrm, no? We did go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Oriental and that was fun. I'm still picking rice out of my bra and i'm compelled to look for my old Columbia costume, or rather, that random girls old Columbia costume, but I havent yet and, lets face it, I probably won't.

I dunno, it could have been better but it's mediocre status was due to a lack of energy on my part. I lacked the fervor I usually have and, unfortunately, i'm not longer surrounded by zealots who are determined to make sure that I have a Class A Halloween.

Save Darfur

2006-10-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

I thought i'd pass this link along to those of you with the power of speech.

Save Darfur

Here's A Rant For You

2006-10-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

Since when should the weather be a source of suspense? No wonder we're a paranoid fucking society. I turned on the TV tonight to hear, not only a teaser for the WEATHER REPORT, but - worse - one attempting to create an air of suspense.

"More unseasonably cold October weather out there, but will the weather take a turn for the better and send us a warm up? Find out on the 5 o'clock news."

I've never wanted to throttle Mark Baden more than I did at that moment.

Can You Stand It?

2006-10-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

From the creator of Pumpkin Pi and the acclaimed, pumpkin contest winning teacher line-up as well as many other pumpkin carving prizes, i bring you Pumpkin 2006. I took a year off, last year, and I think it had an adverse effect on my carving skills but come on - ;)

Do You NaNo?

2006-10-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

November is National Novel Writing Month and, while I have avoided this for years with HPFF, this year I was sucked in by a killer (super secret...okay, not really) plot and, thus, NaNo.

Kill me now :)

I'm Supposed To Die Tonight

2006-10-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's a pity really, that 25 minutes of my best "North Korea" material was just wasted on a 13 year old boy, because I think you all would've enjoyed it.

A few years ago, people started giving me hell for my statements against joining the military - namely that we're "fighting wars on four dangerous fronts, at this point." because they inevitably turned to me and said "four dangerous fronts?" and I said "Afgahnastan, Iraq, Iran and North Korea" and they said - "...?"

Ladies - Gentelmen, yup.

The hair really should've given it away. The crazy gets into the roots and just shoots out.

[MSNBC:: Nuclear Fucking Weapons]

Halloween Skinny Skin Skin!

2006-10-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

So call tihs a double post if you will but I'm happy to say that i've gotten done with the halloween reskin. Okay, yeah, it's not really a reskin as much as it is a few pieces of CSS being edited but, nevertheless, it's a change. :)

Unacceptable

2006-10-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

I realized, a few days ago, that it was getting to be time for the 2006 Totally Fuckable List and, though I knew Paul Walker and Matt Damon would probably have to fall to the wayside the way many such men do, I never thought I would see the day when my beloved Billie Joe would meet such a fate I figured I would have long since stopped making the list before it's very originator went to a weird place.

Over the years I have forgiven him for many things - tragic acne, horrific bleach jobs - but I never thought I would find something so bad as the apocolyptic extensions he's sporting of late.

<--- sad. What's worse, I probably could have avoided seeing this all together, as I do most of his frightening phases, by simply not paying attention to what he's doing between albums but I was forced to sit through a terrifying Green Day/U2 unholy-fucking-alliance-concert video just a few moments ago and I'm not sure i'll ever fully recover. Not only was he singing U2 but he was doing it wearing that hair! Still, Billie, I don't blame you. I know that, in the past, you've been responsible for your own poor decision making skills regarding fashion and, frankly, while that tie does disguise the fact that you're old enough to have fathered most of your current fanbase, no one ever said it was a great wardrobe choice. Nevertheless, in this case, I blame the girls. Once upon a time when the first batch of tweens that latched onto your tailcoats were squealing your name, you were at least in your 20's, but now, you're being latched onto by a sick beast - the generation born in the 90's - who, as a collective, seem to be making worse fashion decisions than we ever did with our affinity for neon and layers. Long time fan. First time dissenter.

Shop 'Til You Drop

2006-10-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

I just thought I would let my US followers kno that, a scant 14 hours after the US Fiscal Year began, we've spent just shy of 6.5 Billion dollars.

That's All Folks!.

Cutest. Socks. Ever

2006-09-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

So, seriously - buy them.

I know the angle sucks but i'm a graphic designer, not a photographer. I can't be held responsible for my school girlish glee and crappy photography skills. It's hard to photograph your own feet while you're standing up and trying to resist the urge to dance in your cute socks.

This One's For Courtney

2006-09-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

Now I remember why I seperated the blogs!

[Cathouse: The Series]

How is it that, until about an hour ago, I didn't know this series existed? It is sublime entertainment. A brothel in Vegas. I know that I don't need to say more, but I will because holy shit is this show hilarious.

Anyway, Courtney, you must find a way to procure this. I'd have told you this personally but you weren't online so you'll just have to find out this way.

The Playlist

2006-09-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

So i got a weird weird weird e-mail today but, as with most quirky requests, no matter the aspect of my life, i'm happy to comply.

Fergie - London Bridge
Christina Aguilera - Candyman
Atmosphere - Bam
The Streets - Don't Mug Yourself
Elastica - Car Song
Christina Aguilera - I Got Trouble
Gwen Stefani - Bubble Pop Electric
Britney Spears - Outrageous
Christina Aguilera - Still Dirrty
Atmosphere - Better Man
Christina Aguilera - Nasty Naughty Boy
Garbage - Hammering In My Head
Smash Mouth - Diggin' Your Scene
50 Cent - Candyshop
Diamond Nights - The Girl's Attractive
Fergie - Here I Come (to be fair - the only reason this is on is because i've been listening to it in the god damned CW commercials for months)
Goldfrapp - Strict Machine
RX - I'm John Kerry
Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
Komeda - It's All Right Baby
Goldfrapp - Fly Me Away
Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away
Sparks - Perfume
Justin Timberlake - Sexyback
Rihanna - SOS
Sparks - Can I Invade Your Country

Er, well, that's the only playlist I have...It's for rollerblading.

2006-09-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

I fell behind on the countdowns - a lot. Life does that, huh?

This Post Brought To You By The FCC

2006-09-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

43!

2006-09-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I admit it, I'm a little disappointed with the Journal article but I did get some cute fishnet gloves yesterday and Mike found some of those little popping toy things that everyone has to love so much. Plus, they have pumpkins :)

iTunes 7 Part Deux

2006-09-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I blogged about iTunes 7 and someone asked me to clarify my claim that it will ruin your life so...erm...I will...or i'll try.

The only way i've found to fully describe it so far is 'Honey, remember how iTunes ran on Beta 1...yeah, it runs like that.' and I doubt that is going to do anyone not running Beta 1 any good.

Open up your case, pull out half your ram. Then turn on Photoshop, Image Ready, Firefox, Illustrator, Maya, Windows Media Player Beta 11 and pretty much any other power hungry piece of software you can find - then run them all at full capacity - render something in maya, open up a 200 layered document in Photoshop and then rip an mpeg clip into Image Ready, start creating some vectors, make good use of live search and open as many tabs as you can think of. Then, when you've got this all running (smoke should be coming out of your tower at this point) then and only then should you start iTunes and ask it to play a video.

It skips, jumps, jolts, does backflips and turns decent quality video and audio into a jerky mess.

It will ruin your life, it really will.

What's This Button Do?

2006-09-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

So i'm on Mike's PC at the moment to accomplish a few goals.

1. To keep me busy.
2. To update the halloweeny counters.
3. Did I mention I was bored?
4. To keep me from chewing off my fingernails until he gets back from lunch with Frannie so I can see my Wall Street Journal Article.

Anyway, and i'm looking at the sidebar - cuz the boy is running RC1 full time now - and I'm seeing a countdown and I can't figure out what it's for. 1 day, 23 hours, 17 minutes and 20, no 21 seconds...

Hey, is that a count-up? Now i'm very perplexed.

Oh well. Apparently you can't make sense out of them all.

iTunes 7 Will Ruin Your Life

2006-09-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

Mike told me yesterday - was it yesterday? - not to download iTunes 7 because it would ruin my life. Well, unfortunately, i'd already upgraded and, unfortunately it will ruin your life. Just so you know.

Justin Timberlake

2006-09-15T06:27:00.000-07:00

Boredum and Good Morning America tends to deal a strange combination of activities for me and, this morning, it was a Justin Timberlake album - namely, the new one.

No.

Okay, i've never been that big of a fan - or...a fan at all, really - but I'm not impressed. The new single - SexyBack - isn't bad. I hated it more before I heard it so often...lately, the clubby-hip-hop scene has softened up and it tends to take me a bit longer to warm up to things so, ya know, it got me eventually. At least it got me to grab the album.

I thought "I Think She Knows" was going to be OK from the first few seconds but, nah...it tripped into that girlie-man, boy band sound way too quickly, and I almost choked on "What Goes Around Comes Around."

So, yeah, this is what happens when I have nothing else to blog about. It's a pity I don't feel more free to post about my actual life :P

Sorry all.

The Countdown & Fun News

2006-09-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

The Halloween 2006 Countdown has begun and, hey, for good measure, check out the whacky shit that ended up in the news today.

[MSNBC: Woman Accused of Attempting MySpace Hit]

[MSNBC: Testify!]

Watched Beerfest. Not Impressed

2006-09-13T04:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yes, I went into this knowing it was a boy movie.

Customarily, a movie called beerfest whose trailers are filled with tits and the worlds most disgusting beverage wouldn't even be something that caught my attention. Maybe it was the excitment of seeing Clerks 2 or perhaps it was the ferver over the airing of a giant Snakes on a Plane trailer just beforehand but I was intrigued enough to at least give this film a try.

A lot of nice tits and a few good jokes but it was one of those movies where every funny moment was consolidated into a sixty second spot and aired as an advertisement.

Call me bitter, jaded, picky, and elitest but you're going to have to get up earlier in the afternoon to amuse me with a 9 inch sausage joke made by a 90-year old former prostitute.

Slow News Day

2006-09-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

I was just watching my local news and, I thought it was worth noting that, despite an attempted car bombing of the US Embassy in Syria, the results of the primary, low gas prices - and a prediction that demand will drop over the next two years, a gang raped 11-year old, a child porn posessing child psychologist, a local cop on paid leave from the force after kicking the crap out of a guy who just got busted on DWI, they still found time to air some shots of today's big EVA.

Shut up, it's Mike's fault I notice. Anyway, I don't think I've heard the words "outer space" spoken with such enthusiasum since the 60's :P

Maybe if I click my pink furry slippers together, they'll report some really great news and I can go to bed with some shred of hope for the future.

Would You Read This?

2006-09-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Tell me, would you read a book about my life?

Today, while i've got three people on the case of the disappearing lesbian Yahoo! Group I'm forced to wonder, those of you who've spent eons reading my blog - tell me, would you buy my book :P

Six AM

2006-09-10T03:58:00.000-07:00

Getting up at five sounded like a really good idea - particularly after staring at the ceiling for two hours but damn, six am is not great for TV. I've watched two episodes of Roseanne :P

Steve Irwen Dies

2006-09-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

You'd have to be Anne Frank not to see this one coming.

[MSNBC: Steve Irwen Dies in Marine Accident]

Just Click Approve

2006-09-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago Mike was at Nate's and Nate bestowed this upon us.

There was much laughter.

[Snakes on a Plane: The Soundtrack]

Overheard It

2006-08-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

How is it that someone else created this website before I did?

Overheard In New York.

My Favorite:

Girl #1: So we're in bed, fooling around, and he goes, "Does it feel good when I rub your G-spot?" And I go, "I'll let you know."

Girl #2: Ooh, that's so mean!

Girl #1: Please. I'll fake a clitoral orgasm for anyone. But I draw the line at faking a G-spot orgasm. No man's self-esteem is that important to me.

They Demoted Pluto

2006-08-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

When I told Mike that one of us had to blog this, I really sort of meant that he had to blog this but, as per usual, I was ignored.

Jimmy & the Keys Blog (click They Demoted Pluto)

All The Emo Boys & All The Emo Girls

2006-08-26T04:16:00.000-07:00

[[Note: I labored over where to put this. In the end, I decided to maintain the sanctity of the official site blog and keep it free from rants on "sensitive issues" but you can bet your ass that some form of this is making it to my deviantArt journal. Fucking hoodlums.]]

I am 21 years old and, yes, I have a hard time saying that. I’ve been sexually assaulted twice, put two close friends in the ground, lived through the fear of a best friend with cancer (and, no, she’s not one of the one’s who died) watched my married mother attach herself strongly to the description “polygamous,” destroying my father. I’ve made the call to institutionalize a friend. I’ve known people in hospitals who, by all rights, should never have come out alive. And the worst part is, I so don’t have even close to the worst life ever.

This morning, after waking up too early and responding to said early awakening by simply getting up, I grabbed my lap top and started doing what I do nearly daily – browsing the dA stock photography gallery. I do this, by the way, because in the great computer crash of 2006, my extensive supply of vector stock links was lost and I no longer have reference photo’s for projects. Not that it matters, but anyway – carrying on. Like many mornings, my search was fruitless, until – hark, is that another kid with a handgun?

Call me crazy, but I’d like to schedule a restructuring of the photo galleries at Deviant Art – Kids with Sharp Objects and Blood, Kids with Guns and Naked Kids with Low Self-Esteem. It would at least make my searching process easier.

Now, now – before you go on a “but it’s art!” rant, I, dabbling in hentai as I am want to do, appreciate a good naked female as much as the next girl. True, I tend to shy from the 300lb women who feel the need to take off all of their clothes, photograph themselves with a single long-stemmed rose and call it artistic nudes, but I’ve found many a use for the others as reference photos in vector renders and cell shading. Still, I’ve yet to get anything other than a stomach ache from seeing someone playing with a handgun and photographing it. Yes, I assume that anyone intelligent enough to operate a digital camera and the dA interface is intelligent enough to make sure the thing isn’t loaded and the trigger lock is on, but I cannot for the life of me fathom a need for this image to exist in the world. Not to make an example of her personally, though, because I’m certain a search of “gun” would reveal more than you could shake a stick at. If you looked really hard, I’m sure you could probably find Naked Kids with Sharp Objects, Blood and Guns.

I checked, it isn’t as though the dA’r is making a political statement – speaking to the strangulation of our generation or the tragedy of what happens when you send kids to war. They’re not trying to say “Hey, future suicide hotline callers – there’s another way out.” They’re just another little emo girl amidst all of the little emo boys glorifying yet another one of life’s many bad decisions.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s not just Kids with Guns – if I see on more drop of cornstarch blood on that site outside the context of Halloween costume stocks I may borrow that girls gun and end it myself. They run lines of the stuff down their cheeks and pretend like they sliced themselves open. They douse their tongues in it and then run their mother’s cleaver along the faux wound with an angsty look on their faces and scream “high art!”

Call me crazy. Call me biased. Call me bitter. That’s just not art ladies and gentlemen – that’s an utter lack of coping skills and a total absence of perspective

Woodward - Bernstein, Where Did You Go?

2006-08-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

This morning, when I rolled out of bed - or rather, over to the keyboard, I found an article on MSNBC that caught my eye - Space Station Science Get's Squeezed. At the time, it was just a little article tucked under the science section that no one was really intended to notice but as, what is apparently a slow news day, trickled on, somehow, this travesty managed to get top billing with a great big pretty picture highlighting it at the top of the page.

The thing about it that caught my eye is - hi, i'm sleeping with a NASA geek but, even me, the relatively disconcerned, was wrapped up in it within a few sentences when I read the phrase "$100 billion white elephant" and almost fell out of my desk chair because - yeah, this is so not in the OP-ED section where it belongs.

What happened to fact checking? What happened to fully understanding a situation before you started spouting your mouth off? I know integrity isn't something you can expect from an individual on the street, your next-door neighbor or, in my case, your mother but christ - since when did it become truly acceptable for journalists not to care what kind of tripe their putting into the minds of the American public.

I know that people can't be jack-of-all-trades and that when you're reporting on a subject you're often given a short amount of time to educate yourself on something that is generally far to massive a subject matter for you to fully understand in the span of a few days, but when that happens, isn't it the resposibility of the journalist in question and of their editors and the owner of the paper to step in and tone down the condescending, malformed opinions a smidge?

FDA Approval

2006-08-25T08:56:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, I find a reason to congratulate an arm of our government for doing something truly good. It doesn't happen that often, as my views on politics are relatively narrow and, while not pragmatic, are at least situationally aware.

Yesterday, there was a small victory for every woman in the US.

[MSNBC: FDA OK's 'morning after pill' without a prescrption.]

While the article should read an addendum of "to women over the age of 18" but a victory is a victory, no matter how you slice it.

Anything that can remove one obsticle between another accidental mother - right, gentlemen?

Note: A the same time, Plan B backers are still fighting the cause to give OTC access to girls under the age of 18.

Tucker Can Dance

2006-08-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hey, can anyone confirm this? I was just watching TV or - rather, reading the captions on the tv - and I saw a commercial advertising Tucker Carlson as a future contestant on Dancing With The Stars.

I wonder if he'll wear the bowtie.

Family

2006-08-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

I long to belong to a family where a kids worst fear is walking in on their parents having sex.

What The Hell?

2006-08-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I'm forced to wonder - what in the hell is wrong with this world?

Everyone reading this, far and wide, knows that I frequently rail on my mother for being a generally insensitive individual. She's intelligent enough to make you think she should know better, but no matter how hard you try, she never seems to actually know better. It's enough to drive a sane person crazy.

This morning, when I woke up in my freshly colored hell, I was striken with the overwhelming sense that I should not get out of bed today and, as I rolled over, kicked off my blankets slid my feet into slippers and plodded over many many moving boxes to the bathroom, I was certain there was something wrong wtih the air. Fifteen minutes later, I was aprised of what that was.

It, ladies and gentlemen, was the stink of extramarital affairs. Not mine, nor mikes, but my mother's - because nothing says dysfunction like a 40-year old, married, dyke. Yes, it's true, this morning, my mother was to be found galavanting around town with another married 40-year old dyke whom, earlier this week, she asked if she could sleep with - illiciting a completely called for "No," from my father. Since that ill-fated day, she has seen this woman 3 times, exchanged countless e-mails and phone calls and generally completely disregarded how uncomfortable her husband is with the situation as a whole.

He's packing.

Huzzah for the tippers!

I'm Not Dead

2006-08-19T01:33:00.000-07:00

...er, something.

For those of you that follow the blog through this link - or through aggregators, kudos, you're among the few dedicated enough to know that this blog will still be maintained.

The last few months have been a flurry of opportunities and new people and the time seems to have finally come to tone down the content of the blog that is directly attached to my site. New posts will appear both there and here, depending on their content and nature.

Just, you know, in case you cared :)

Phew

2006-08-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

I actually found something to really blog about. Well, something other than us saving physics, but I lost the link to that...or Y2K The Sequal: Now They're Really Pissed Off (inquire inside for explanations :P)

Blanks on a Blank Short Film Contest.

Perverted Justice: Huggles All Around

2006-08-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today I had the great pleasure of working closely with Del Harvey of PEEJ to arm the HPFF site and it's members with just a little bit more amunition against the perils of the internet.

Woot :)

*shrine*

Happy Birthday To Me!

2006-08-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

So, last year I asked for fruit snacks. This year, I didn't even try.

I did, however, pop online to find a medly of songs ,dances and visual representations :) They're no fruit snacks, but they'll do :P There were lots of other happy birthday,s but tehse were some of the fun ones :P

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear BitterEpiphany aka Kaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
Happy Birthday to you!
You are now the big 21
You can now drink legally although someone else probably has already told ya thaaaaaaaattttttt
And you can now do just about anything else you wanna do puuuuubbbbbblllllllliiiiiiicccccccllllllyyy(sp?)
And I think that I spelled that wrrrrrrrrooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggg
Oh, and if you wanna killl soooooooooommmmmmeeeeeeeooooooonnnnnnneeeee- you have the permission to kill me because I hate making tyyyyyyyyyyppppppppppppooooooooooossssssss
But you should be made Ultimate Admin noooooooooooooooowwwwww
Which is right around the time I should be hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggg *keeps singing while looking for a place to hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddeeeeeeeee*

http://food.oregonstate.edu/images/fruitveg/banana/banana016.jpg”>one, two and three

this one bullied me into using it, four

Five and six complete with a Buddha

Why have bumps when you can have bananas? seven

the eighth banana, although wooden, still counts as a banana

Nine and ten love each other a lot

eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen and fifteen just to get rid of a lot at once

Just cos I'm saying the shadow of this one counts as number seventeen doesnt mean I'm cheating, you try having to come up with original banana comments evertime someone has a birthday

18, 19, 20 almost there

Number 21 is blow up. No I will not be giving one for good luck. A blow up one if quite enough.

We've had an epiphany today!
To Kay's birthday, we'll all say hooray!
She keeps us in stitches
and her blogs do enrich us.
'In the pink' she appears every day.